A simple Rio night

A simple Rio night:

Get a phone call from a London TV film crew asking me if I know of any "flaming Brazilian drag queens in Rio who are fluent in English" for some kind of episode they're doing about Rio. Can't think of any English-fluent Brazilian flaming drag queens off the top of my head, but I tell them I'll let them know. New friend Wendy from Honolulu, who I met yesterday, super cool chick, comes over and we go exploring for food- find amazing fish place - BEST EVER FRIED FISH in the universe - slug down two beers - but wait, we're late for Salgueiro! - haul ass to catch a taxi to Salgueiro's technical rehearsal - oh my god, it's a street rehearsal! I didn't know it was going to be a street rehearsal! this is going to be amazing! - Park ourselves by the bateria. Hot, hot, hot players (in all senses). OH MY GOD IT'S XUXA FROM SAN FRANCISCO! Talk to Xuxa. OH MY GOD THERE'S JACARE FROM TEXAS! Huge reunion. My buddies! My friends! I should have known I'd run into them here - three years ago, last time I was i Rio, I ran into these exact same 2 friends at this exact same Wednesday Salgueiro rehearsal. Worm our way up to the passistas (dancers). OH MY GOD. SALGUEIRO PASSISTAS. OH MY GOD. Have there ever been better dancers in the universe: no. Have there ever been hotter girls: no. Hey! There's a TV crew right next to me! It's an O GLOBO TV crew! (Brazil's top news agency) Hey, they're interviewing all the passistas and filming each one dancing, and I'm RIGHT NEXT TO THEM so I'm filming the passistas too, side by side with the O Globo TV camera. My camera is slightly smaller... thanks for the excellent lighting, O Globo lighting guy... passistas peel away, bateria tucks into the tiniest recuo ever, ala after ala flows by. Amazing choreographed alas. Oh, look, it's the guys who were painted in black on Sunday! kewl. passistas again. bateria again. Oh, now they're moving. Like a rat after the pied piper I cannot help but follow the bateria. Follow the bateria, follow the bateria, follow the follow the follow the follow the bateria. Dazzled and drunk on the bateria. Pretend I am in the ala right behind the bateria; wave my arms when they wave their arms; I've kind of learned the words to the samba at this point; Wendy's right behind me; nobody seems to notice, nobody kicks us out. Bateria ends... oh, it's over... wahhhhh. Desolate. Salgueiro has stopped playing. Sad. Now what. Millions of people milling around. Millions and millions of people, passista girls in shiny little halter top outfits, guys carrying drums all over, everybody criss-crossing in hundreds of different directions, weaving around the dozens of little food stands and tiny bars on the street. Wandering around. Hey, there's Xuxa again! Sudden thought: I bet Xuxa (who is a drag queen himself) would know of some flaming Brazilian drag queens. Ask him. In two minutes he has come up with a list of the "the top five most famous Rio drag queens". They even think of one of whom is totally fluent in English and funny and charismatic and would be perfect for the British TV guys. Score! Time for a beer. Hey, Jacare knows the guys from the Salgueiro bateria! Cool! A plan hatches to pile us all into 2 cars and go see the bateria that is forever shrined in my mind as the Worst Escola of Rio: Canarias de Laranjeiras, the Canaries of the Orange Trees, who actually came in dead last in Grupo E three years ago (Grupo E is the lowest group there is). Ever since then I've wanted to see them. They got booted out of Carnaval for a year as a penalty, but now they're back in action and are apparently rehearsing in Lapa tonight. We try to get one of Jacare's Salgueiro drumming buddies to come with us. We're busy explaining to him where Canaries of Laranjeiras rehearses, when he interrupts us to tell us he is the director of Canaries of Laranjeiras. Laughter. Oh, I guess he knows where it is then. All pile into 2 cars, all squished - we seem to be 8 people now - careen off to Lapa. Explain to Wendy that this is not nearly as squished as we could get. Am busy recounting to her how we could easily have fit 7 people into this cab by putting 3 people in the back seat, one in the front passenger seat, one on the gearshift and two more people lying on top of everybody else. Our taxi driver turns out to be a professional samba-gafiera instructor and he has a dream of emigrating from Brazil and travelling the world dancing. Seems unlikely but who knows? I know some people who've done exactly that. So I take down his name and number. We pile out in Lapa. Hm, Canarias of Laranjeiras is actually pretty fun. Watch a hot hot dancer guy. Get swept up in the samba and start dancing myself. Uh-oh, the hot hot hot dancer guy is zooming over to goad me to dance more. Dance MORE! Dance BETTER! Dance MORE! Dance BETTER! DANCE GRINGA DANCE! Dance with hot hot hot dancer guy. Wow, he's a really good dancer. LOVE how Brazilians just totally dance their hearts out for any reason at all. Love it how they love to encourage any woman, any age, to get up and dance. The hot hot hot dancer guy moves on to encourage a 65 year old guy to get up and dance - truly equal opportunity here, the whole world dances. Get brave and ask the director if I can play caixa (snare). Another caixa player gives me a skeptical look. Ha, I'll show him! TA-DA I'm playing caixa! I'm playing! Take that! Woo-hoo! Ripping along. The repique player gives me a thumbs-up! Oops, suddenly we're all marching somewhere! We march out of the club and do the world's tiniest parade, a tiny U-turn, and then march right back into the club. Now I have paraded with Grupo E. I play and play and play. Perversely thrilled to be playing in the lowest-ranked escola of Grupo E instead of in Grupo Especial. Y'know, E stands for Especial when you think about it.... Y'know what, it also turns out that Rio's worst samba escola still plays better than most American baterias. Tired. Hot. Sweaty. Get another beer. Take off caixa, stand in front of fan. Get many thumbs-ups from various people about my caixa playing. Pleased. Grateful. Happy. Still too hot. Stumble outside for some air. Quick tour of neighboring bars with Xuxa. Say goodbye to Canarias director - get invited to play at his (a) bloco on Saturday, (b) Grupo A escola Sao Clemente, (c) to come watch Salgueiro close up - all of which he plays in - jumpin' junipers , did I pick the right guy to play caixa in front of or what? Suddenly remember I am 2 hours late to meet Chris at another club. It's only two blocks away. Convince Xuxa to come to other club with me. Charm bouncer girl into letting us in for cheap. We also each get free coupons for a caipirinha. Find Chris! Huge reunion! CHRIS!!! IT'S BEEN SO LONG! Embrace like long-lost twins separated at birth. (we last saw each other a whole 5 days ago) It's 12:30am so of course the show hasn't started yet. Headliner comes on at 1am. Dance dance dance. Get the free caipirinha. It is an incredibly good caipirinha. Eat amazing sandwiches. Effin' awesome girl is playing timbal on stage. Cool band. OH MY GOD THE BEERS ARE ALMOST TEN REAIS EACH! WHATTA RIPOFF! But the sandwiches are GREAT! and the caipirinha was free. Meet lots more people. Conversation reels around everything in the universe: at the end I only remember "Luna sequoia tree, Joan Baez, itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot bikini and a cruise ship full of 3000 gay guys" and I can't remember how those all fit into the conversation. Chris convinces me it's time for just one last beer. Have moved on to 4 new friends now. Friend-of-a-friend asks me to go to the samba club Democratikos - right now - because it's only 3am on a Tuesday, of course, time to get started dancing. Xuxa invites me to a party. Chris invites me to 2 more parties. I can't figure out what day they all are. I can't figure out if they all clash with each other. I realize I have forgotten what day it is right now? Is today still Wednesday? Was today the day I saw Salgueiro? I recklessly accept all the invitations all at once. Salgueiro, Salgueiro, how I love you; I start singing its beautiful anthem again, "La vem Salgueiro, la vem Salgueiro". (Here comes Salgueiro, here comes Salgueiro.) I want to stay here forever.