The bad turistas

I often spend a few nights in hostels when on short stays here. Usually the hostel travellers are pretty cool and are happy to meet someone who knows some ins & outs of Rio. Pat & I had a tag-along crowd all week of a bunch of friendly American girls from Texas who hadn't known about the escolas at all, but got totally into them once we took them along to a couple rehearsals.

But then there's the other type.

Tonight I was chatting to a new couple. Brits. I asked how long they're here and they said, "Oh, we figured we'd do Rio in a couple days, then do Salvador, then..."

I think, how can you "do" a vast international city like this? In two days?

It's been raining heavily all night and I was about to invite them to come along to Lapa with me. To the fabulous Rio Scenarium, where we could get out of the rain and see some fine samba (the most bizarre and spectacular decor of any club I've ever been in). "Oh, no, LAPA! We already did Lapa. Had enough of that." Had they been to Rio Scenarium? Or Carioca da Gema? "No, but we've done Lapa. We don't want to go back there." Would they like to see some samba? "We're not really into that." (wait a sec, why did they come to Rio if they don't like samba?)

Any interest in seeing an escola-de-samba? Completely blank look and a flat "No."

The guy suddenly turns to me aggressively and says "What's the deal with the bus drivers here? They're complete maniacs. What's wrong with them? They're insane."

Normally I would be the first to agree, but something in his tone gets to me. He's criticizing MY CITY. I feel my hackles go up and suddenly I'm defending the bus drivers. The bus drivers here are GREAT. Sure, they drive fast, but they can get away with it because they know what they're doing. I think of the brilliant bus driver I rode with the other night, his skill at barreling that bus from Central clear to Recreio in just an hour and a half, and the bus drivers who inched their buses through the entire crazed Unidos da Tijuca crowd without even bruising anybody's toe.

Now the couple has launched on a complaining streak to another couple: Rio's too rainy. It's no fun. There's nothing to do. All there is to do in Rio is go to the beach and see the Cristo and with the rain you can't do either. They thought Rio would be "this amazing tropical paradise" but it's a sort of a drag. There's no English-language shows on the TV. They don't like the buses. They don't like the streets. It's dirty. It's noisy. They don't like the food. They don't like the coffee. They don't like the beer. They don't want to know the language. They don't want to talk to the people. They don't want to hear the music.

I'm seething now.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Why did you come here? What did you WANT?

Maybe they were expecting an idyllic tropical retreat and were surprised to find.... a city. With buses - fast buses. It does take people by surprise sometimes: Rio is NOT a tropical Caribbean island. It's a VERY big, VERY busy, CITY.

But why travel halfway around the world fixated on a beach and a statue and a made-up imagine of a Caribbean island in your head, and then refuse to enjoy the city for what it really is? Why refuse to take all these golden opportunities to get to know the actual culture and the actual people of one of the most vibrant, busiest, noisiest, craziest cities in the world? The Cidade Maravilhosa. Why not focus on the things that make this city truly unique? It's not the Cristo, it's not even the beach, that makes this city what it is. It's the PEOPLE. So it's raining, so what? (And, just by the way, THIS IS THE ATLANTIC RAIN FOREST, which means, RAIN, duh) There are fifty fantastic music acts happening tonight, and thousands of wonderful Brazilians chattering in every bar on every street corner, ready to become your friends, and all those "insane" buses just waiting to take you there. Go to a churrasco or a kilo place, go have some salgadinhos and a Skol and get to know somebody. At the very least, go up onto the roof and sit in a hammock and watch the rain, Brazil style, and have a Skol and talk to your friends. But don't sit there flipping TV channels looking for an English movie.

If all you want is a beach and a statue, jeez, pour some sand on your lawn and go stare at the statue in your town square, save your money. Just stay out of my city.