How to attract guys through drumming

Thursday: Woke up to the sounds of whispered Bulgarian! Three Bulgarian girls from Plovdiv had joined me in my dorm room in the night. They were amazed that I not only knew where Plovdiv was, but had actually been there (and loved it). Shades of my Balkan music past....

A quick visit to the American Museum of Natural History. I knew I couldn't afford the $20 ticket price, so I'd really just stopped in to see fantastic Barosaurus skeleton mount in the lobby. It's the tallest freestanding dinosaur mount in the world and the one that always makes me realize: oh my god, these creatures actually were real and actually once walked the Earth. And, softie that I am, I always get choked up at the sight of that skeleton Barosaurus mom trying to defend her cute little skeleton baby against that nasty-looking skeleton Allosaurus.

Whatta meanie!

Then it turned out I could get in for just $2 (or whatever I wanted to pay) so in I went! They've completely redone their dinosaur exhibits and it's FANTASTIC. I had been planning to do some drumstick practice, outside in Central Park, but there I was wandering the halls of the AMNH with my drumsticks clutched silent in my hands, reading every little dinosaur-anatomy explanation, and riveted by the trompe l'oiel background paintings of the African mammal dioramas. You can take the girl out of science, but you can't take science out of the girl. It's still the greatest story ever told.

Then I gathered all my stuff from the hostel to relocate to Maplewood, New Jersey, where some distant relatives that I barely know have very kindly offered me free lodging. It might be a little far out for me, but the train ride's not bad. Well, after lugging my suitcase and duffel from the hostel to the subway and down the stairs and through the turnstile and onto the train and off again and through another turnstile and down more stairs to Penn Station and up stairs to New Jersey Transit and down some stairs and down some more stairs and up onto the train to Maplewood and off the train and then through the streets to Danny's house half a mile away, I am soooo glad that when packing for this trip, I held desperately to this one guideline:

"I absolutely have to be able to walk up or down a set of stairs carrying all my luggage, unaided."

It means I have no raincoat, no backup shoes and no books, but I can move! Well, ok, Danny aided me on the second half, but basically I was able to do it.

When you are travelling alone, you cannot leave someone else with the luggage while you talk to the cabbie, or check the map, or buy the cup of coffee, or whatever. You have to be able to do it all yourself, all the time. The biggest lesson of the last two years for me: I have to never be dependent on anyone, ever. I have to be able to do it alone. Whatever "it" may be. If a friend like Danny shows up to help, super. But I can't ever rely on that.

While I was on the subway, an extremely cute guy across the aisle somehow read the tiny address sticker on my suitcase. "You're from Seattle?" he said hopefully. Turns out he is too, though he's a New Yorker now. He seemed eager to connect with a Seattle-ite ("You live near Green Lake?? So does my brother!!! And I'm from Fremont!!"), then asked if I was visiting New York. I gave my usual "Well, I'm on my way to Brazil," reply and then of course we got into the fact that it was five months, to study percussion. At this point he did the wide-eyed doubletake that I get from so many people. "You - whoa. What?" He actually got up and came over to sit next to me, fascinated and wanting to talk more. Five months? Percussion? And you went last year too? Pity Penn Station was the next stop! I almost missed the stop and just scampered out in time, the guy yelling after me "Have a great trip!!" Bye, cute subway guy!

Apparently, if you want to attract guys, all you gotta do is quit your job and go to Brazil to study percussion for five or six months. I have probably met more guys in just the last year than in the entire rest of my life all added up! Half I meet via music, since of couse drumming is a social thing and most other drummers are guys. But the other half just seem to approach me out of the blue, somehow, and seem to be fascinated by my story. I never used to get any attention from guys but now I am practically fending them off. The Cuban artist in Portland who would hover at my doorway and gaze at me with puppydog eyes; the well-dressed fellow in Oakland stammering "Are, are you a model, or something? Sorry, it's just, it's just, you're very striking." Not just guys, either: the doe-eyed Brazilian girl interrupting me, laughing and a bit tipsy, when I was in the middle of some drum story, with "Kathleen, I think I'm falling for you." What the hell?? How did this start happening?

My friend Robyn told me once, "You did so get attention before; you just never recognized it before because you were too shy to look at anybody or talk to anybody. Brazil made you less shy." Well, that might be true. There is nothing like bumbling alone through a foreign language for six months to get you out of your shell. It seemed bitterly difficult at the time, but maybe it paid off.

Anyway, about one guy per day shows some interest, and about one a week asks me out. About one per month for the girls. It's been like this ever since I got back from Brazil. It's the weirdest thing! I'm not complaining - it's nice - but it is a very strange change, especially since I'm of an age now where you're supposed to be getting less attention from potential partners, not more. And I was not getting any attention from guys in Brazil at all. (Robyn again: "You were so! It's just that you were walking so damn fast you never saw them looking at you - but I was always about 50 feet behind you and I saw all the turned heads that you were leaving in your wake!")

Despite all these pleasant options, something has happened to me over the past year of Brazil and samba and travel... I am no longer looking for a partner. I think I've gotten too independent. (Like wanting to carry all my suitcases myself.) I've had to become independent, to survive, and now I love it. The freedom is soooo addictive. Plus nobody can keep up with me anyway.

But even if I don't want a partner, I do want friends, and I will take all the friends I can get.

Robyn's comment about trailing along behind me was funny! I don't know that I believed her about the turned heads, but it was a nice thing for her to say. And it IS true that I walk faster than anyone else in the universe. Like I said, nobody can keep up with me, literally! By the time Robyn joined me in Rio, I'd been alone so long, and so used to walking fast to fend off the possible muggers, that I couldn't slow down even when I tried. Poor kid, she was always trailing along behind, scurrying to catch up, until the thought would finally cross my mind "Hey, what happened to Robyn?" and I'd finally wait for her to catch up.

It's okay though, because she got the last laugh at the 13,000' Dead Woman's Pass on the Inca Trail.

The best story though was from a friend of mine who also lived alone in Rio and also got into the habit of Speed-walking For Personal Protection. Like me, she had probable-muggers try to trail her, and she would just accelerate and leave them in the dust. One day a probable-mugger was coming up behind her and she took off, and heard him say plaintively, from far behind, "Hey, slow down! I can't keep up1"



Best New York conversations overheard today:

"Be careful you don't get lost in the universe!" - said to someone about to enter the astronomy wing at the museum

"So, I only have to lose 4% more body fat and I'll be an athlete!" - overheard cell phone conversation

"We were both in the women's room and she said I had nice eyes, so I said she had nice lips and she totally came on to me! But she really DID have nice lips." - girl on the New Jersey Transit train to two girlfriends

Two guys arguing on the street:
First man: "You ARE SO drunk!!"
Second man (tearfully): "No I'm NOT!"
First man slams second man to the wall and says:
"YOU JUST *TOLD* ME YOU'RE DRUNK!!"

Me and a deli counter guy:
"What kinda bagel?"
"Sesame."
"Sesa-who? SESA-YOU! HA HA HA HA!"